Most romance readers grew up reading romance. The fact that for many readers this happens when they were 12 or 14 probably makes you think it was about the sex. It probably was, in part. But beyond that, think about what you were reading when you were Boys, boys, boys, boys, a dead girl.
Maybe you read outside of school, too. When I was 15 I read the entire Dune series. No one had warned me, as I warn everyone, to stop after book three. What I was missing out on, and maybe you were, too, was books about women and girls. And to read about such adult things — not adult as in sex, but adult concerns, like love and courtship and family strife. To see in those pages possible paths forward, worlds and happy endings to imagine yourself into. But it can take deliberate effort to diversify our reading lists beyond straight white men.
You might not be missing women from your shelves today. You might have, like many people I know, devoted yourself to reading more or only women and authors of color , especially in the last few years. Women have been historically excluded from the canon, and that carries on through to publishing today. How sex, in literary fiction, is rarely actually fun, and if it is then someone must pay the price.
There are male and nonbinary authors, too and not all romances pair a man and a woman , but romance authorship may be the arena least dominated by straight men in the entire world. And, almost more important than these women falling in love, is them being fallen in love with. For being strong, independent, vulnerable, honest, brave, smart, funny, and stubborn. Those are stories about women that I think are extremely worth reading. I started reading romance when I was in my early 30s, working at a website where romance was a major focus.
Critics have suggested the romance provides women with the opportunity for self-transcendence, to imagine being ravished, adored, protected and loved. It also enables women imaginatively to resist the constraints and excesses of a male-dominated society, and to find a cathartic space in which to explore fear and guilt, as well as revenge fantasies, around fathers and husbands.
As I too discovered when discussing Gone With the Wind with readers, women gregariously swap romance books, memories and ideas; exchange with each other on and offline favorite lines, narratives, and playful comments on characters and endings. Women can be fierce critics but also enjoy banter and erotic fantasies around the stories.
Readers devour romances actively, discriminating between texts and having a shrewd sense of how to find stories and characters that appeal—often via recommendation from friends or family members. An escape from the ironing board and the frying pan. Three of my correspondents summarized the self-deprecatory or sardonic attitude to this kind of reading.
They know the difference between fantasy and reality. Emily Murdoch a pseudonym told me she describes herself to women as a romance writer, while to men , a writer of historical fiction.
Then burst into tears real or fake, your choice until they scooch awkwardly down the bench and refuse to make eye contact. Or you could refer them to this handy-dandy list of responses, complete with visual aids.
Simply point them to the relevant examples which range from honest to honestly-a-little-salty , and get back to your book! Women read romance novels because maybe there are some non-fictional good men still out there, who are respectful, loving, and kind, and romance novels help us hold out hope of finding one. Women read romance novels because they like to see women presented on the page as intelligent, capable, and clever.
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